


Breaking The Bank

by Missy



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Crack, Gen, Horror, Humor, Nightmares, Robbery, Thievery, reluctant partnership
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-23 01:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: Bill appears and tempts Stan with untold riches.  They team up to crack a safe hidden away by the Northwest family years ago - but Bill's got a nasty trick up his sleeve...





	Breaking The Bank

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Healy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Healy/gifts).



Bill appeared out of nowhere, bouncing like a bad check in front of his face. “Hey, Stan – y’wanna go on a trip? There’s a vault out in the mountains left behind by the Northwests – they say it’s got forty thou in cold cash hiding somewhere inside of it.”

“Forty thousand dollars?” Stan eyeballed Bill with exhausted, too-familiar foreknowledge. “How do you even know the money’s still in the 

“Um, what part of all-seeing creature do you not get, Stanny Boy?” asked Bill. He may have been severely demoted thank to the Pines’ hard work, but he did have a little bit of omniscience in him yet.

“Yeah, well, prove it to me.” He crossed his arms. “Do it.”

Bill sighed. “You’re wearing red boxers with green dollar signs on them, your Lotto picks were 3, 5, 6, 10, 33 and 24, 

“HAH! Gotcha, My lotto numbers were 3-5-6-10-33- **29!** ”

Bill stared at him. With a swipe of his hand, Stan’s nose turned bright yellow, then back to its correct flesh tone. “So do you want to be rich or…”

“…I’ll get my keys.” 

*** 

The Northwest’s old abandoned safe – which had been left behind by the family a generation ago, according to the legend Stan had heard whenever the elder Northwest got too tight at the diner - was enormous. Twice Stan’s height and three times the width of his shoulders, it glimmered, clad in a shield of gold, almost too blindingly bright to be looked at with the naked eye. The golden handle and combination lock spanned the width of his hand.

Somehow Bill had sprouted a single-lensed sunglasses to peer through at the fortress before them. Of course.

“According to what I can glean from Northwest’s dreams, the combination is 18-22-44-6, right, left, right, right.”

“Huh. Isn’t that his kid’s birthday mixed up with his wife?” Stan leaned in and carefully, with his gloved fingers, twisted the combination lock until it gave way with an eerie shriek. 

“I know, right? Weirdly sentimental for a guy who’s into totally mind-wiping his kid. Then again, I can’t say I understand your weird squishy human emotions. Except for vengeance. I am a sucker for vengeance, let me tell you!”

The warning prickled the back of Stan’s neck, but he had no real time to prepare before the howling wind sucked him headfirst into the cavernous hole that was once the safe’s mouth. His words were outraged but unintelligible. Above it all he heard Bill’s laughing.

“Hey, you know what they say – never trust the snake that’s bit ya!” he shrieked. Stan’s body’s hurtled toward the void, his bracing arms giving way…

 

***

…And with a yell he fell with a thud to the baseboards of the Stan O’ War’s baseboards.

Above him a light flickered on, illuminating the bump that was already forming on his elbow. Ford’s worried face peered over the wooden rim of the bunk. “Are you all right, Stanley?”

Stan was breathing heavily, salt spray and sweat mingling on his brow. “Fine. It was just a stupid nightmare. Bill and his rotten tricks coming back to haunt me.”

“Did he say anything?” Ford worried.

Stan shrugged. “The usual revenge spiel. The weird thing is – this time it was more like a dream,” Stan said.

“Huh…” Ford rolled over in his lower bunk. “I suppose that’s an improvement. Sleep well until the morning – when we’ll deal with this.”

Stan climbed back into his bunk and sighed. “Gotcha.” When he rolled onto his back he thought of nothing more than how nice it would feel to sink himself into a nice hot bath.

When he dreamed it was of that hot bath, a couple of French-speaking mermaids and a giant plate of pizza. But that’s a story for another day.


End file.
